„Wherever you look, you see yourself“ said the sign in colorful, handwritten letters, posted just outside the little oasis. Two jetplanes in low flight, a ripped couch and vast empty land was all I could see when I walked out for the first time after a morning meditation with expressive dancing and screaming among a dozen others. I might be even more lost in confusion with what I am, or think to be, than I was when I came to this Ashram in the desert.

Weeks pass by - endless hugs are saying the unspoken and strangers become mirrors of myself. In this place I am not too much anymore since everybody is craving to be touched below the surface. But there’s more underneath than the need for love. There’s fear, pain, anger and the ones to project it onto are around everyday, sharing a communal life form.

This present moment is so full of deep, gentle joy that it makes me want to explode right here and now! My body just feels too small to contain the idea of being one with everything.

I am trapped in it, tied to keeping this shell alive and steering it through this thing called life, while making it a servant to the whole - call it God, the Universe or just the force that keeps everything continuing creation.

Still shaking the shell and screaming at this barrier that separates who I am, from the one I could be. We are breathing connected, my fingers start cramping, the room is filled with groaning, screaming, laughing - then calm sets in as I start talking to this wall, putting myself above it just by believing it to be possible.

Strange dresses and hats transform my body into a bird of paradise, or nakedness leaves myself open for everybody to see, and teaches me to love and accept the skin I’ve been placed in for this phase of being.

I’m starting to loose what they said is sanity as I look into the eyes of the inner child who hasn’t yet started to build walls. Who doesn’t know of the myths we created to arrange society, and the pains that come with loving and loosing others. The child is curious, open and ready to follow the way of the heart into an unrestrained journey of discovery.

2016 in Israel