A few of them are still lying, intertwined on my mattress, as the first light softly brightens the room. We had wandered around, jumped over rooftops, admired what they said is art and lifted ourselves to higher spheres. We’ve been rejected and let beyond the doors behind which they said life was blazing - and it was a blast flying around city streets; diving into dark cellars and kissing beauty. It felt filling for a night and a while, was good for a story. But now that everybody left, uncomfortable silence sets in.

The two of us didn’t want to hold hands anymore, and maybe did it all along because we saw it on the TV screen. I had fooled myself again because it should have been the time to finally meet the one! Meanwhile, you’re rolling another joint just after putting out the first one, drag tensely hoping it would give back the feeling you lost somewhere along the way.

You hook your fingers in my back when I need to feel nearness. We avoid looking us in the eyes while our bodies imitate the dance. As we get faster and harder, our spirits separate more with every moment. So endlessly alone. And every attempt to feel something, falling for beauty and touching a new skin just makes my own thicker.

Didn’t I come to the big city with ambitions; full of strength, curious and ready to try it all? Where do I belong in this often meaningless feeling life? I had to leave. And only time showed the beauty of learning through trying, failing and daring to go until I would find what is right for me. So I go all the way, like I really know. But the truth is, I’m only guessing.